Help Wanted

April 27, 2013

 

Hubby has many talents, but one of the handiest of those is his ability to judge whether a left-over will fit into the refrigerator container I have picked.  Our routine is that after we eat and he is still sitting at the table, I will start cleaning up, including putting leftovers in the fridge.  Sometimes (many times, actually) when I look for a container to use, it is very hard for me to judge whether it will fit or not.  So I will ask Hubby whether it will fit and he is right 99% of the time.   What a handy talent!  And, of course, it means he has no trouble at all picking the container, if he is the one cleaning up.

I have never thought of this trait of Hubby’s as “marketable”, but after receiving an order from a national store chain the other day, I think he could have a second career in their shipping department.

This box arrived yesterday.

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I knew what I had ordered, but I could not believe it was in this huge box.

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When I opened it, it was packed full with brown paper packaging.

And when I removed all the packing…

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… the items I had ordered were in the bottom.

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Six placemats.

I couldn’t find anything on the package that said how much the company paid for shipping (it was free shipping for me), but I have to believe that there is some waste, both in postage and man hours, because of this overkill in packaging.

I hope their shipping department pays big bucks, because I’m sending them Hubby’s resume today!


This is an example of what I love about the Internet

March 12, 2013

 

A friend saw this on the web and gave me a copy.  I’ve carried the copy around with me for a couple weeks and whenever a conversation would have a pause (those usually happen when I quit talking — I wish that wasn’t true, but it is), I would whip out my copy of this story, read it, and give everyone a laugh.

I hope you enjoy it too.

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “fried chicken”.

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My mom and dad tell me to always tell the truth.  I did!  Fried chicken is my favorite animal.  I told dad what happened and he said my teacher may be a member of PETA.  He said they love animals very much.

I do too.  Especially chicken, pork and beef

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office.  I told him what happened and he laughed too.  Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.  I told her it was chicken.  She asked me why, so I told her it was becaue you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal’s office.  He laughed and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand.  My mom and dad tell me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders”. 

Guess where I am now . . .

I hope this at least made you smile.  Happy Tuesday!


A Split Decision

June 7, 2012

 

When he agreed to split everything right down the middle in the divorce settlement, he had no idea what that could mean to his beloved truck!


Truthfully, it looks like someone has made the rear end of a truck into a trailer, but as soon as I noticed it my first thought was, “Oh Oh, that’s a division of property gone wrong!”.


Duncan’s Ledger: Pat’s Troubles

March 17, 2012

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, a story about an Irishman with a love for the bottle, which made him a little shortsighted.

 

Pat’s Troubles

 

Times were getting hard down in Irishtown

And Pat Malone was pushed for ready cash.

His life insurance spent all his money to a cent

And all of his affairs had gone to smash.

Then his wife spoke up and said: “Now Pat if you was dead,

This twenty thousand dollars we could take”.

Then old Pat layed down and tried to make out that he had died,

Until he smelled the whiskey at the wake.

 

Then Pat Malone forgot that he was dead,

And he raised up in his bunk and he said;

“If this thing holds on a minute, the corpse it will be in it,

You will have to make me drunk to keep me dead.”

 

Oh, they gave the corpse a sup,

In other words they filled him up,

And they laid him in the coffin with a prayer;

And the driver of the cast

Says, “bedad I’ll never start

Until I see that someone pays the fare.”

 

Then Pat Malone forgot that he was dead,

And raised up in his coffin and he said:

“You dare to doubt my credit, you’ll be sorry that you said it,

Drive on, or else the corpse will break your head.”

 

Then the driver, he pulled out on the cemetery route,

And the neighbors tried the widow to console;

They arrived face to face with Malone’s last resting place,

And they quickly shoved old Patrick in the hole.

Then Pat began to see as plain as one, two, three,

Where he had failed to reckon on the end;

When the clods began to drop, Pat kicked off the coffin top,

And quickly to the earth he did ascend.

 

Then Pat Malone forgot that he was dead,

As he quickly from the cemetery fled,

And its well he did by thunder, for he came darn near going under,

Pat Malone was only playing off for dead.

 

 

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!


Don’t worry — I haven’t started acting old.

November 11, 2011

 

Recently I was turning into a parking lot and  saw a woman driving out whom I recognized, so while turning in I was also looking at the woman in the car that was driving out.

Unfortunately, because I was distracted I ran over the corner of the curb. It was a low curb so no damage was done, but it’s never a good thing to do that.   And the topper was that I quickly realized that the woman I was waving at wasn’t the person I knew.

I can just picture what that woman was thinking after witnessing me waving to a stranger while careening over the curb into the parking lot, “Somebody really ought to take that old lady’s car keys away — she’s obviously become a dangerous driver!”

Ha!  Luckily, I know she’s wrong.  I’ve done that kind of stuff all my life!


Want to be entertained? Hire the elderly!

October 18, 2011

One of the great things about Facebook is that I have reconnected with quite a few people from high school.  And this time “Chuck” and one of his commenters gave me a laugh that I just had to share:

Chuck has always been quite the talker (as I remember he was on the debate team in high school) — a very interesting person — and I can totally picture this happening to him.

Chuck posted:

“SO…we are sitting in the noisy German restaurant at EPCOT — family style. The couple next to us say they live in Palm Harbor, but are really Dutch. I talked for 5 minutes about my trips to Holland (visitng Corinne, Mark, and Mariek) and my good friends there.

“Then we go through the buffet line.  During lunch, I started talking about the historic district and the great museums in Amsterdam, and the guy casually mentions, ‘We are Oregon DUCKS — not Dutch.'”

“I felt a bit silly, but laughed out loud. They had no clue why!”

Chuck’s commenter put the “frosting on the cake”:

“You must be discovering that people are very understanding of the elderly!”


Proof

October 13, 2011

When Japan had their terrible earthquake, I heard that it actually caused the Earth to shift on its axis.

Since then we have had all kinds of crazy weather all over the world, which seemed to me to be possibly proof of that shift.

But I think some recent developments have proved conclusively that the world is undeniably off-kilter:

Five weeks into the NFL season, the Detroit Lions are unbeaten and the Indianapolis Colts are winless.

I rest my case.