Dog-Gone Wrong

I wonder why I’m down here and my family are all upstairs?  It’s dark out.  And usually that means that we all go upstairs to sleep.  And the gate at the bottom of the steps is closed so I can’t go up there now.

Maybe they left me down here because they think I’m old enough now to be a guard dog.  They probably want me to make sure no one gets in the house while they’re sleeping. Well, I can do that!  I may be little, but I can bark really loud, so I can warn them if there is any danger.

But since it’s dark and nothing seems amiss, I’ll just jump up here on the sofa and wait for morning.  Ohhh, no wonder they don’t want me to lay up here.  They don’t want me to know how comfortable it is or I will want to be up here all the time!  It’s so nice and comfy and warm.  And being so comfortable makes me sleepy … but I need to stay awake and on guard … but it’s so quiet and I’m so comfortable … it can’t hurt if I close my eyes for just a minute …

Zzzzzzzzz.  Huh?  What was that!  What’s that sound? The sound is coming from under the sofa!!  I’ll just peek over the edge and see if I can see anything.

There’s a green glow coming from under there, and I hear something moving around!!  Oh no!  I’ve got to protect my family from the monster under the sofa!

I should bark and warn my family, but I’m so scared when I try to bark it just comes out a croak.  I know, I’ll jump down and run around really fast and see if it follows me.  Here it comes!!  Here it comes!


Phew.  I’m exhausted.  But I’m kind of proud of myself too.  That diversion I created worked like a charm.  It distracted the monster and it  must have forgotten about chasing me.  And now I think it’s gone.

This is one of those times I wish I could talk so that I could tell my family all about how I saved them from that monster last night.  Now, they’ll never know.


She woke up with a start.  When she looked at the clock it was time to get up.  But she immediately got a faint whiff of something smelly so she knew her first order of business was going to be changing a poopy diaper. But when she checked on both the boys, it wasn’t either of them.  Then she walked past the top of the steps and realized that the smell was stronger and was coming from downstairs.  Oh oh.  Where was Squiggy?  There he was, sitting at the bottom of the steps, looking up at her through the gate.  They had forgotten to bring him upstairs with them last night.  He must have done his business somewhere downstairs.  Well, the nice thing about having a little dog is that there shouldn’t be too much of a mess to clean up.

But when she got to the bottom of the steps, not only was there a strong smell, but there was a brown film all over the carpet.  What was that?  She called up to her husband to wake up and come down here right now!  There was something terribly wrong.


A few months earlier:

“You are going to love this.  It is totally automatic and is called an Auto-Vacuum.  You set its timer for sometime during the night when it can do the sweeping without getting in your way.  Then at that time, it comes out from under whatever piece of furniture you have stored it under, does all the sweeping, and when it is done it shuts itself off. You will never have to worry about sweeping your floors again — the Auto-Vacuum will do it for you.”


At 2 a.m. Auto-Vacuum “wakes up” and comes out from under the sofa to do the sweeping.

Little doggy has never seen this “monster” before so gets scared, poops and then runs and hides.

Auto-Vacuum, in the process of sweeping, spreads the poop in a thin layer all over the house.

Every inch of floor in the downstairs had to be professionally cleaned.  Besides dust boards, legs of furniture, etc. all had to be washed.  And, of course, Auto-Vacuum had to be cleaned … with a toothbrush and Q-tips.


After much expensive, time-consuming cleaning the house is clean again.  And one thing is for sure  — they will never forget to take Squiggy upstairs with them again.

Based on a true event in the life of a friend’s son and his family.

20 Responses to Dog-Gone Wrong

  1. Linda says:

    Oh how funny! Those automatic sweeper thingies sound like the berries, but maybe not for the animals in your household, although I’ve seen videos of cats riding on them. Cute post.

  2. Hilary says:

    Oh!.. That’s all I kept saying when I realized what was happening.. Oh! What a mess.. and poor Squiggy. At least “auto sweep” would indicate that it’s a non carpeted floor. What a funny (though probably not at the time) story.

    I borrowed one of those little vacuum robots once, just to see what kind of a job it did. One of my cats kept his distance but tolerated it much better than the regular vacuum from which he hides in the basement. The other cat jumped up on furniture and watched it in awe.

  3. Sandra says:

    Thanks, Linda. When Marilyn told me this story, I immediately asked her if I could post it, because I thought it was really cute too.

  4. Sandra says:

    Hilary — Thanks for the tip. I changed Auto-Sweep to Auto-Vacuum because it was mostly carpet that was “coated”. I actually had used the real name of the machine, but Hubby suggested that the company might not appreciate this kind of publicity, so I came up with a made-up name. 🙂 I can imagine that it would scare pets, because we never had a pet that wasn’t wary of just the plain old vacuum.

  5. carlahoag says:

    Unfortunately, Peter Parker can’t be trusted during the night or when we’re gone. If it’s too hot or cold outside, then he has to go in the crate. I just hate that crate but that beagle just wont’ behave – and he’s not a puppy anymore.

    Joe says we CAN trust him – to be a slave to his doggy nature.

  6. Sandra says:

    Carla — I agree totally with Joe, especially about a beagle. We had one once and that was the most disobedient dog we’ve ever had. Cut as a button, especially as a pup, but every time I opened the front door, he would try to get outside. If he made it, our neighbors would see the familiar sight of me and my two very small children chasing him down the street. He also was a “climber”, onto tables where there was food specifically. He once ate most of a roast that had been place momentarily unattended on the kitchen table. Another time, he ate a whole side out of DD’s birthday cake, so we had to take pictures from the other side. What a dog! So you have my sympathy. I’m sure Peter Parker is a very sweet dog, but from my experience I would say, you still can’t trust him any further than you can throw him! 🙂

  7. C. Beth says:

    Oh NO!!! Oh my goodness–that’s the type of mistake that ruins an entire week! How horrifying!

  8. Sandra says:

    Beth — You are so right. I can’t imagine how overwhelming that was when they first saw it. But luckily apparently everything was cleanable.

  9. Chrissy says:

    wow! I thought the thoughts of the pup were so cute! And then the story continued!! Terribly funny!!

  10. Sandra says:

    Chrissy — I’m sure it’s funnier in retrospect than it was at the time. Especially for those of us who didn’t actually experience it! 🙂

  11. SueAnn says:

    OMG!! This was so funny! I am still laughing! What a mess!! Poor Squiggy!!
    Congrats on your POTW award…well deserved!

  12. kcinnova says:

    Oh, no!!! (And with apologies to your friend’s son & family, I’m glad it didn’t happen to YOU!)
    Congrats on your POTW!

  13. Jillsy Girl says:

    I’m on the floor!! Thanks for the morning laugh and POTW!

  14. Kristina says:

    OMG! So glad you can laugh at this now. Thanks for posting! Congrats on POTW!

  15. Sandra says:

    SueAnn — Thank you!

    kcinnova — Thanks and I’m glad it didn’t happen to me too! 🙂

    Jillsy Girl — So glad I could give you a laugh to start your day.

    Kristina — Our son always says that the worst experiences make the best stories … later! It’s true, isn’t it. 🙂

  16. dianne says:

    what a mess
    but it sure does make for a great story

    congrats on POTW

  17. ds says:

    So funny, though I’m sure the mess was not. Great story; congratulations on POTW!

  18. Dave says:

    Sandra, what a story! Bet you were glad it wasn’t you! Give us the old manual vacuum cleaner any day. Well done for getting Hilary’s humorous blog of the week.

  19. tattytiara says:

    Something Colonel Walter E. Kurtz said in Apocalypse now comes to mind…

    …but Hilary’s right, this was a hilarious post!

  20. Sandra says:

    Dianne — Yes, yes and thank you. 🙂

    ds — Thank you!

    Dave — Amen on the old manual vacuum cleaner! and thanks for the atta girl. 🙂

    tattytiara — I never saw Apocalypse Now, so I googled a list of quotes from it to see what quote you might have meant. I’m guessing, “The horror… the horror… ” — very appropriate. btw, reading through the quotes makes me glad I didn’t see the movie! And I think it’s kind of fun to think of someone like Colonel Kurtz reading this story. Thanks for broadening my horizons today.

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