Hugs are needed most …


… when the child says, “I don’t want a hug!”

Because I had read this advice before I had teenagers, I did hug young Gunny when he was a teen, even the times when he was angry with me and stood stiff as a board while I hugged him — giving me absolutely no sign that he appreciated or wanted a hug right then.  But, because I had heard this advice, I did it anyway, and he’s told me since that he’s glad I “insisted” on giving him those hugs.

When Hubby and his two younger brothers, who are very close in age, were pre-teens, they told their mom that they were “too big” now for all the kissing and hugging she liked to give.  So, she respected their wishes and cut way back on those signs of  affection that especially teenage boys seem to be embarrassed about.  But, Hubby has told me that there were times when he wished he hadn’t said that!

I never had to worry about DD doing without the hugs she needed.  Even when she was a teenager and as tall as me, she would come and plop down on my lap, wrap her arms around my neck, and say, “I need some hugs!”.

So, I suggest that if there is one of your children who doesn’t ever say “I need some hugs” or even resists affection, you make sure that that child gets their share of your kisses and hugs anyway.

There is “magic” in loving physical contact that defies description, except to say that it is just a “gift from God”.

6 Responses to Hugs are needed most …

  1. Hilary says:

    I am so with you on this. We have very similar parenting philosophies, my friend. And warm, huggie offspring. 🙂

  2. Sandra says:

    But, aren’t we glad we’re done with it, Hilary? When I hear of women over 50 having babies, it boggles my mind that they are taking on that long, complicated, exhausting job at that late date! More power to them, but that route wouldn’t work for me.

  3. C. Beth says:

    That is great advice–since I have a preschooler who often refuses affection–well, mostly kisses. It’s like a game–“No kisses, just a hug!” she says. Maybe sometimes I need to sneak in a kiss.

  4. Sandra says:

    Beth — I’m sure Chickie and Zoodle both get lots of kisses and hugs — they are obviously loved children! 🙂

  5. Tim King says:

    Both of my girls occasionally need a hug, even the elder, my Beautiful One, who is a teenager (or rather, will be later this week). Everyone, I think, occasionally needs that sort of close, personal affection, and sometimes we’re afraid to ask for it. I’m glad my kids always know they can come to either Margaret or me for a hug.


  6. Sandra says:

    Tim — I was always glad that DD asked for the affection too, but I’m not sure I would have persisted in giving Gunny the physical touches if I hadn’t read that advice. So, that’s why I passed it on here — so that other “stiff as a board” angry teenagers would still get hugs too! 🙂

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