Giving Compliments, Part II


Recently I wrote a post about giving some “meat” to compliments, but this morning I’ve read a post here that I think gives that idea an interesting twist.

In her post, Praise That Sticks:  “I noticed . . .”, Beyond Just Mom suggests that praise that is given as an “I noticed” statement, rather than a direct compliment, resonates best with the child.   She says, “We want to shape our praise so that (the child) responds internally with ‘I did a great job.’”  

I’m not raising children any more, but this seems like good advice that is easily applied. 

Let me know what you think.

5 Responses to Giving Compliments, Part II

  1. Beth says:

    I read a book that was similar to this–“How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk.” It was fascinating and had some great advice–but I found myself second-guessing the things coming out of my mouth, and that can get old. I think the “notice” advice is good and I may even try it, but I also think sometimes as a mom it’s okay to say what’s natural for me as opposed to what the experts say I should be saying…. This may just be because I can get obsessive about things, so sometimes I automatically rebel a bit against something that feels like it could lead me to obsess about something else!

  2. Sandra says:

    Beth — In the end, you have to do what feels right to you! I did think the “I’ve noticed” idea seemed like something that would be easy to do. But, hey, I’m not “in the trenches” anymore, so what do I know!

    btw, I’ve only “known” you a short time, but “I’ve noticed” you seem to have a good handle on raising children. 🙂

  3. Beth says:

    Thanks!! It’s funny, the “I’ve noticed” thing came to mind earlier today so it’s definitely in my head. I’ll probably try it at times, and also at times give more direct compliments. I think it’s nice for a child to hear how happy you are with them, but I agree it’s also nice for them to internalize why what they do is good…apart from how others perceive it.

    Some days I feel like I have a good handle on raising kids; some days I feel like I am just trying to keep my head above water…and not accomplishing even that! 🙂

  4. Thanks so much for the mention; I really appreciate it!
    I too have days when I feel like I’ve got it together and others when I’m just trying to survive. Reading and writing about ways to do it better help keep me on track.
    thanks again.

  5. Sandra says:

    You are welcome, Pam. I felt it was information worth mentioning!

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