Readers, I want something for Christmas that I would guess none of you have on your list, but once I tell you why, you may just want to think about ADDING it. I want a dictaphone.
For those of you who don’t know, a dictaphone is a a piece of equipment that has been in offices for years and years. (I’m sure there’s a newer version around some offices still today.) With the ones I remember, the boss dictated into the microphone of a dictaphone that was on his desk, and then he gave his secretary the machine’s tape and
she put it into a machine on HER desk and, using ear phones and a foot pedal (so that she could stop, start and back up the tape as she typed), she would type the letter for the bosses’ signature. I didn’t have alot of experience with one when I was a secretary, but, I think I now have a use for a dictaphone that could make it a valuable addition to my life.
So, right after you thought “What the heck is a dictaphone?” Did you then think, “Why the heck does she think she NEEDS a dictaphone?”
Welll, here’s why. Since I have started doing this blog, I am always looking for topics. Although I already do have a list written down, I always feel better if that list is growing rather than getting shorter. My reasoning for that is that you can never tell when you will be struck with permanent writer’s block, so you’d better be collecting all the ideas you can before the “well runs dry.”
As it turns out, apparently my mind works on this project while I am asleep (Why not? We’ve already established that my memory runs out of my ears when I lay down to sleep at night, so logically, that means THAT’S the time when there is plenty of room for ideas for blogs to rush to the front and be recognized!).
Many times I will wake up during the night with a near brilliant idea for a blog. And, many times, when I wake up in the morning, I REMEMBER that I had a near brilliant idea during the night, I just can’t remember WHAT IT WAS. Rats. I hate it when a near brilliant idea gets away — maybe never to be seen again. So, during the two plus months I’ve been blogging, I’ve mulled over what I can do to “capture” these elusive topics.
I’ve heard of people who keep a pad of paper on their bedside table, and when they wake up during the night thinking of something they want to remember, they write it down. That sounds great in theory, but I would think in practice, the whole process of raising up on an elbow, prying your puffy eyelids open, turning on the light, locating the pen, writing the idea down (without benefit of glasses or contacts), and then making a trip to the bathroom (because, of course, if you’re already awake, you might as well go), would realllly be disruptive to a good night’s sleep.
So, my great idea is to put a dictaphone on my bedside table, with the microphone under my pillow. Then when I have one of my “Einstein moments” during the night, I can just wake up enough to push the button on the microphone and mumble a few key words into it and then go right back to sleep. I don’t want to toot my own horn tooooo much here, but I think it takes a pretttttty keen intellect to be able to match up a piece of office equipment and sleepy ideas for blogs in this unique way.
There are only a couple of “issues” I need to work out before my dictaphone arrives via sleigh.
First, I think I will have to devise a way to warn Hubby that I am about to talk into my pillow, so that he won’t be startled by a sudden pillow-muffled, low, raspy voice, mumbling disjointed words in the dark of night.
For this signal, I can’t use squeezing his ear lobe between two fingers — that’s already taken. That’s what I have told him I will do if I ever hear someone in the house and don’t want to speak out loud, for fear of us being killed. (If you are thinking, “The man is a Saint to put up with this nut job!” He would say, “Amen,” and then he would smile.) And, since I haven’t indicated which ear lobe that signal is connected with, I don’t suppose it’s practical to just tell him THIS signal will be the OTHER ear lobe. That might be too confusing, for a person to remember when suddenly awakened. This is definitely one wrinkle I’ll have to work out.
Also, how will the words I mumble into my dictaphone be “translated?” Wellll, I COULD do it, but, you know I”M RETIRED, so, I think Hubby should hire me a secretary to type up my ideas. Having been a secretary, I can absolutely tell you that there have been times I have typed letters that COULD have been dictated into a pillow in the middle of the night (sometimes by someone who had also drank heavily)!
One shocking idea that Hubby put forth when I read this to him, is that maybe the ideas I think are “near brilliant” in the middle of the night, might actually, in the light of day, be pretty mundane. (You can see why I’M not rushing to give him that “Saint” label.)
So, Santa, please send me a dictaphone, and I’ll work out the rest. Thanking you in advance for your prompt attention to my request (one of my favorite “business-esque” phrases). I’ll make sure the usual cookies will be waiting for you — Hubby’s favorite kind — chocolate chip.